EXTRA... EXTRA... READ ALL ABOUT IT!
Article by Kayla Diven
As I am writing this, the hubs and I have been married for 4 months, 5 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes. Let me tell you, I had a pretty good idea of how our our newlywed life would go.
I was going to be an awesome wife. I was going to wake up super early every morning so that I could cook breakfast and fix coffee for my husband. I wanted to be able to go to work for 8 hours a day and have enough energy after to want cook a nice dinner, wash the dishes, get at least one load of laundry done, and basically do all other things that would give me the title of superwife.
I didn't realize that months before getting married I had begun setting up an unrealistic daily to-do list for myself. I was so focused on being on Mrs. Perfect, but when I didn't meet my own expectations, I began to feel inadequate. The less I would get done, the more I would sink into my inadequacy.
I was letting an unfinished list of do-to's define me.
I put all of this pressure on myself because I thought that's what a perfect wife did. I thought that I should expect it of myself because my husband would expect it anyway.
See I thought my husband would love me more if I did more. I had begun to handle my marriage relationship like I find myself handling my relationship with Christ so many times--thinking that I don't deserve grace so I try to work for it. I acted like our love was based on my performance--it makes more sense to have to work for it. But my sweet husband gave me so much grace that I began to realize that my list did not matter very much, not to him.
Of course, he likes the house clean, the dishes washed, clean clothes to wear, good food to eat, etc. But what he wants more than all of that combined is for me to wake up every day and find my identity in Christ.
It keeps me joyful throughout my day when I do chores or conquer a to-do list, but I am not defined by what tasks I did or did not complete. I am not defined by my husband or the title wife. I'm not defined by how delicious dinner was or how many pairs of socks I had to match and put away. And I am not defined by how clean our house is (thank the Lord!). I am defined only by Christ. My husband loved me and encouraged me like no other to get me to this point, and the more he defined me by Christ, the more I began to do so myself.
In fact if we let what we did define us, I may have more of the husband title while he could be the housewife. See he is finishing school, so I am currently the main provider. But that's okay because he provides me with so many things that money cannot buy:
He sets his alarm every night so that he can wake me up because he knows I HATE alarms.
He takes the dogs out first thing in the morning so that I don't have to freeze to death and so I can get a few more minutes of laziness in.
He turns the shower on for me so that by the time I get to the bathroom the water is hot.
He has coffee made for me when I get out of the shower.
He takes out the trash.
He does laundry while I'm at work.
He does the dishes if I cook dinner so that I do not have to do both.
He is a dreamer, and encourages me to follow my dreams, even if to some my dreams are lame. He believes in me like no one else does.
He loves me undeservingly, and shows me more of Jesus every day than I've ever known in any other relationship.
I have come to find that I have the most loving, caring, thoughtful, selfless, amazing, I could go on for days husband. He has helped me realize that I can define myself however I want: by my job, by the status wife, by the fact that I want kids some day, by the things I accomplish. But my only identity that truly matters is the one I find in Christ. I am a child of God--that's all that matters.
So when you're getting bogged down with your daily list of to-do's, when being a mom gets overwhelming, when you want to quit your job, when life gets messy and a new chapter unfolds, remember Whose you are.
PS. If your life is a bit overwhelming and you want a fast, efficient way to declutter your home, visit www.corieclark.com. She has some amazing books and product for simplifying your life. One of them being the Purposeful Planner that I'm in love with. If you missed out this year, you really need to be on the lookout next year!
As I am writing this, the hubs and I have been married for 4 months, 5 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes. Let me tell you, I had a pretty good idea of how our our newlywed life would go.
I was going to be an awesome wife. I was going to wake up super early every morning so that I could cook breakfast and fix coffee for my husband. I wanted to be able to go to work for 8 hours a day and have enough energy after to want cook a nice dinner, wash the dishes, get at least one load of laundry done, and basically do all other things that would give me the title of superwife.
I didn't realize that months before getting married I had begun setting up an unrealistic daily to-do list for myself. I was so focused on being on Mrs. Perfect, but when I didn't meet my own expectations, I began to feel inadequate. The less I would get done, the more I would sink into my inadequacy.
I was letting an unfinished list of do-to's define me.
I put all of this pressure on myself because I thought that's what a perfect wife did. I thought that I should expect it of myself because my husband would expect it anyway.
See I thought my husband would love me more if I did more. I had begun to handle my marriage relationship like I find myself handling my relationship with Christ so many times--thinking that I don't deserve grace so I try to work for it. I acted like our love was based on my performance--it makes more sense to have to work for it. But my sweet husband gave me so much grace that I began to realize that my list did not matter very much, not to him.
Of course, he likes the house clean, the dishes washed, clean clothes to wear, good food to eat, etc. But what he wants more than all of that combined is for me to wake up every day and find my identity in Christ.
It keeps me joyful throughout my day when I do chores or conquer a to-do list, but I am not defined by what tasks I did or did not complete. I am not defined by my husband or the title wife. I'm not defined by how delicious dinner was or how many pairs of socks I had to match and put away. And I am not defined by how clean our house is (thank the Lord!). I am defined only by Christ. My husband loved me and encouraged me like no other to get me to this point, and the more he defined me by Christ, the more I began to do so myself.
In fact if we let what we did define us, I may have more of the husband title while he could be the housewife. See he is finishing school, so I am currently the main provider. But that's okay because he provides me with so many things that money cannot buy:
He sets his alarm every night so that he can wake me up because he knows I HATE alarms.
He takes the dogs out first thing in the morning so that I don't have to freeze to death and so I can get a few more minutes of laziness in.
He turns the shower on for me so that by the time I get to the bathroom the water is hot.
He has coffee made for me when I get out of the shower.
He takes out the trash.
He does laundry while I'm at work.
He does the dishes if I cook dinner so that I do not have to do both.
He is a dreamer, and encourages me to follow my dreams, even if to some my dreams are lame. He believes in me like no one else does.
He loves me undeservingly, and shows me more of Jesus every day than I've ever known in any other relationship.
I have come to find that I have the most loving, caring, thoughtful, selfless, amazing, I could go on for days husband. He has helped me realize that I can define myself however I want: by my job, by the status wife, by the fact that I want kids some day, by the things I accomplish. But my only identity that truly matters is the one I find in Christ. I am a child of God--that's all that matters.
So when you're getting bogged down with your daily list of to-do's, when being a mom gets overwhelming, when you want to quit your job, when life gets messy and a new chapter unfolds, remember Whose you are.
PS. If your life is a bit overwhelming and you want a fast, efficient way to declutter your home, visit www.corieclark.com. She has some amazing books and product for simplifying your life. One of them being the Purposeful Planner that I'm in love with. If you missed out this year, you really need to be on the lookout next year!
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